An Open Letter to the Williamson County Board of Education

To Whom it May Concern: 

     I hope you appreciate my business letter format. I did, after all, learn it from you. I was a part of the Williamson County School System from the time I was in 2nd grade up through my graduation in the spring of 2013. During my time as a WCS student, I (and many of my classmates) took issue with several decisions made and changes implemented by the school board. But I have never been so disappointed with Williamson County Schools as I am now in light of the appointment of Mark Gregory as chairman of the school board. 

     Yes, this is about the "ButtleOpener."

     Mark Gregory's "ButtleOpener" is not just a tacky, tasteless novelty item. It is offensive. And it speaks to the character of a man who claims to represent the values of  "the majority of constituents in our county." I hope, for the sake of the thousands of females whom the school board represents, that his values are not aligned with the majority of the county's. 

     The "ButtleOpener" is repugnant. It is disgusting. I am disgusted by it. It is an incredible example of objectification in action. A woman's body has been reduced to nothing more than her rear. And, to make things worse, that rear serves only as a tool. A gimmick. A joke. On the surface, most people seem to be viewing the "ButtleOpener" as inappropriate due to its appearance. But I take issue with the very design and functionality of this "harmless" invention. All it takes is a quick Google search to find a YouTube video of the "ButtleOpener" in action. The video features a cute, scantily clad young woman with a beer in hand. But the cutesie facade crumbles away the second she crosses to the "ButtleOpener" and goes to open her beer. 

     When I first read about Gregory's invention, the first question I had was, "How was this man ever allowed to make decisions about my education?" And the second question was, "How does this thing even work?" Presently, I still have no answer to my first question, but I wish I hadn't found the answer to the second. 

     To open a bottle with the "ButtleOpener," one must insert the bottle under the female rear, where the actual bottle opener is located. I think it's important to stop for a second and consider the visual involved here. What does this action seem to imply? Maybe it's just me, but the image of a bottle being placed in a woman's rear-end doesn't seem quite as harmless as Gregory wants us to think it is. To me, this is a sexually-charged, if not explicit, image. And, in my humble opinion, it has an undercurrent of imagery suggesting elements of a particularly cruel form of sexual assault. 

     This being said, now is probably an appropriate time to mention that, in instances of sexual assault within Williamson County schools, the responsibility of investigating the assault falls to none other than the Williamson County Board of Education. A Board of Education that is now chaired by the man who invented such a degrading novelty as the "ButtleOpener." An invention that was conceived after Mark and his brother ogled the behind of a woman who was serving them in a restaurant. They reduced that server to her behind, too. 

     I have a thirteen year old sister who is currently attending school in Williamson County. I am uncomfortable with the knowledge that her education is being determined by a man like Mark Gregory. But I am even more disturbed by the thought that if, God forbid, my sister ever found herself the victim of a sexual assault or harassment, the outcome of her case would be determined by the likes of a man who sees no problem with sticking a bottle in a plastic rear-end because it's funny and "boys will be boys." 

     From a legal perspective, Gregory's presence on the board has opened quite a can of worms for Williamson County Schools because the credibility of the board with respect to sexual assault and harassment has been completely undermined by his revolting invention. How can the school board make any fair decisions about what is or is not appropriate behavior when the board itself is under the control of a man who seems to have no concept of what is appropriate?

     Frankly, it makes me sick to think that this man has been on the school board since I was in the 4th grade. If a student ever exhibited such sexually inappropriate behavior, he/she would have faced serious consequences. The same is true for teachers. So why should a member of the school board be allowed to engage in such behavior and still maintain such a position of power? 

     If Mark Gregory wants to invent and distribute an objectifying, tasteless novelty item, that is his prerogative. However, as chairman of the school board, he should be held to a much higher standard. I will be encouraging my friends and family with ties to Williamson County Schools to voice their dissatisfaction with Mark Gregory's position as chairman. If the board is supposed to reflect the values of its constituents, then the constituents' opinions should be of the utmost importance in such a matter as this. Personally, I believe the "ButtleOpener" speaks volumes about Mark Gregory's opinions of women and, consequently, his ability to effectively govern a diverse student body in one of the greatest school systems in the country. 

     Gregory and his "ButtleOpener" are a disgrace. 

     My little sister deserves so much better. 

Sincerely, 

Delaney Amatrudo

Fred J. Page High School Class of '13  

This is (Not) a Blog About Gay Marriage

I have a lot of Conservative friends on Facebook, and, consequently, I often run across articles and things that they have posted, liked, commented on, etc.

Recently, for example, I saw more than one person post articles about Buger King's new "Proud Whopper." This was a temporary promotion Burger King ran at one single, solitary store in San Francisco around the time of the gay pride parade there. If you don't live in San Francisco/you don't frequent this one particular store, this will not impact your life in any way. Yet somehow, this became a HUGE deal to those who oppose gay marriage.

This is not a blog about gay marriage, though.

This is a blog about kindness.

Because the responses I read to this story were absolutely revolting.

I debated whether I should include any of the negative comments because they are incredibly offensive. But I have decided to quote some of them here to make a point. So here are a couple of things people wrote in response to articles about one (1) Burger King supporting gay rights during Pride Week.

"Will 1 in 5 of the Whoppers contain HIV, just like gay men in real life?"

"Filthy homosexuality is nothing to be 'proud' of. 'Pride'?!? More like a complete absence of any shame whatsoever."

"I wonder if the "Proud Whopper" comes with a fruit salad?"

"I crossed Subway off my list for their all-halal menu. Now I'll cross BK off my list, too."

Those are just a couple of them. I left out the more offensive/graphic/profane ones. 

But now it's my turn to respond. 

No matter what you believe, no matter what deity you worship, no matter how old you are, no matter how well-educated you are, you do not have the right to belittle or degrade another human being.

I am sick and tired of politics serving as an excuse to speak to and about people like they are less than human.

And if you think your beliefs give you license to speak negatively about people who believe differently than you, than all I can say to you is: Shame on you. 

I know what you're going to say: 
"I have freedom of speech. I have freedom of expression. I have freedom of religion."

You're darn right you do. But my question is this: 

Is your right to "speak your mind" more important than the feelings of the people who stand to be hurt by your words? 

It is time to grow up, America. It is time for ALL of us to show some respect for one another. We are all people. We deserve to be treated as such. There will always be people whose beliefs and ideals differ from yours. But when you choose anger, when you choose to be unkind, you are weak. To sit behind a computer screen and write horrific things about another human or group of humans is the greatest demonstration of weakness that I can imagine. 

And you are wrong. You are wrong to be so blinded by hate that you would compromise the feelings of a living, breathing individual. 

It is time to stop treating politics and society as some enormous battleground. It is not a war to be won. At our core, we all seek to be treated fairly and equally. And we deserve to be treated as such. 

If you can't say something nice (read: constructive) don't say anything at all. Because on the other side of that computer is a person with feelings. There is no excuse to be anything less than kind. Ever. Your beliefs don't give you a free pass. You aren't "speaking God's truth" if you are too busy calling people names and typing up denigrating comments on your tablet.

Because, whether you like it or not, we ARE all the same inside. And I won't stand to see people treated unfairly anymore.

And hopefully neither will you.

A Crafty Metaphor

I have asthma.

I have had asthma for about as long as I can remember.

I struggled for years trying to get it under control. I've tried just about every medication under the sun, largely without luck. Until a couple of years ago when I was prescribed a medication called Flovent. It was the first medication that ever kept my asthma comfortably under control. It's a preventative medication to keep me from having asthma attacks. I could probably live without it, but in order to do so I would have to refrain from physically exerting tasks and activities.

Anyways.

About a year ago, I went into my local pharmacy to get my Flovent refilled. When I went to check out, I was informed that my insurance policy no longer covered this medication (a medication with no generic equivalent). And in order to walk out with this medication today, (which had been prescribed to me by my doctor) I would have to cough up $70 out of pocket.

So now I had to make a choice. I was sort of painted into a corner because my two options were as follows:
1. Come up with $70 today to take home my inhaler. And then come up with $70 every month or so to refill it.
2. Walk away without my prescribed medication and go back to the drawing board trying to find a medication that works for me.

Tough choice, right?

I'm a college student in New York City. As much as I wish I could have come up with the capital to pay for that medicine, the reality was that I couldn't afford it. So I walked away from the pharmacy empty-handed that day.

"Well," you say, "if you can't afford your asthma medication, maybe you shouldn't go for a run.*"

I suppose that's one kind of preventative measure. But, if you ask me, I shouldn't have to quit doing something that I have every right to do. Nor should I have to quit doing something that I enjoy doing just because a corporation decided my medication wasn't worth covering. Someone devised this medication so I could go for a run or take a dance class without running the risk of having an asthma attack. And I have medical insurance to cover me for my day-to-day medical needs. So why is gaining access to that medication suddenly so difficult?

Unfortunately, finances play a huge role in most people's decisions, including mine. If I had the $70 kicking around, I totally would have spent it on that medicine (a medicine that isn't necessarily life-saving but certainly makes my life a lot easier). But since I didn't (and don't) have that kind of money, I essentially had no choice other than to walk away and try to figure out something else.

I had no right to choose. The only "person" whose choice was honored in this situation was the corporation who chose to no longer pay for my medication.

I doubt Flovent was taken off the list of preferred prescriptions for any religious reasons. But if someone is ever going to deny me medication based on the corporation's religious beliefs, I sure hope they do everything they can to make sure those values are upheld in every aspect of their business.

Because if it's THAT important to you, you should have no problem divesting in companies with opposing beliefs. And you should also have no problem with only outsourcing your labor to countries who share your ideals.

Sure, it'll probably cost you more money.  But that's your problem, right? Your right to choose.


*Okay, okay, I don't run. It was just for the sake of the metaphor, geez.

You're Not the Boss of Me

Someone called me bossy today. 

A middle-aged woman called me bossy 

I'm pretty sure the last time someone called me "bossy" was in elementary school. But nevertheless, a middle-aged woman (with children) called me "bossy."

She called me bossy for arguing in favor of the recent "Ban Bossy" campaign. 

If you are unfamiliar with the campaign, it's being led by a partnership between LeanIn and The Girls Scouts of America, and it is being endorsed by celebrities like Beyonce. Just to avoid any crossed wires, I'll give you the description as posted on the organization's website: 

When a little boy asserts himself, he's called a “leader.” Yet when a little girl does the same, she risks being branded “bossy.” Words like bossy send a message: don't raise your hand or speak up. By middle school, girls are less interested in leading than boys—a trend that continues into adulthood. Together we can encourage girls to lead. 

So allow me to dispel some common misconceptions about this campaign: 
1. No one is going to make the word "bossy" illegal. 
2. No one is going to force you to participate in this campaign. 
3. No one is saying some kids aren't actually "bossy." 
4. Celebrities did not start the campaign. They just support it. 
5. Beyonce is not in the Illuminati. 

I got into a pretty heated Facebook discussion about this campaign with a bunch of upper-middle class Southern women today. It went about as well as you would expect it to. The argument I met most frequently was something along the lines of "I don't want anyone telling me what I can and cannot say. There are better things to worry about than little kids calling each other bossy." 

But what people don't seem to understand is that this campaign is NOT about the word "bossy." In the context of this campaign, "bossy" is a word that represents disdain for female leadership. I will be the first to admit that sometimes, kids are bossy. Sometimes, kids are jerks. But sometimes, kids get put down for being "bossy" simply because they're willing to be assertive; they are willing to speak up and speak out. This doesn't always sit well with other kids, especially when you're dealing with little girls. 

The honest truth is that I see what I like to call the "bossy effect" in full swing even here at college. Several of my classes are made up entirely of girls. And sometimes, when we are working on projects for class, it's really hard to get anything done because no one wants to risk taking charge and seeming "bossy." But, at the end of the day, someone has to step up to the plate and be willing to speak up and do the work werq. 

Somewhere in this Facebook argument, I mentioned the fact that this campaign is trying to address some of the issues at the heart of modern female inequality. The response I got from one woman was, "I, as a female, have never felt unequal." She also said that this campaign is a waste of resources because we should really be focusing more on sexual abuse, sex-trafficking, substance abuse, etc. 

I have never been bullied. This, however, does not mean that bullying doesn't exist. One middle-aged, middle-class, white woman never feeling unequal to a man is hardly evidence for a lack of inequality. Just like a 19-year-old, middle-class, white girl never being bullied does not mean bullying is not a real thing. 

But this next part is what killed me: This woman denied the existence of gender inequality but went on to lament the issue of sex-trafficking And I am left wondering what she believes the cause of sex-trafficking to be. It seems fairly obvious to me that women are bought and sold like household objects because of a persistent inclination for society to see women as "less than." But I feel so betrayed by my own gender when I sit there and listen to women claim that gender inequality is a non-issue. If you think female inequality is nonexistent, go have a conversation with a prostitute. Or speak to a woman who was raped in the military and never saw justice. 

Ultimately, this is the reason I feel so strongly about the Ban Bossy campaign. It goes so far beyond not calling someone a name or not disciplining a kid for being pushy or mean. It is about telling girls that they are enough. It is about instilling in our daughters that they are worthy of whatever they seek. They are trying to stress the importance of self-advocacy and about speaking up for oneself. Maybe, if we taught our daughters that they have the power and the permission to assert themselves, we wouldn't see so many women being sucked into the sex trade/industry. 

I find it so disheartening to see people so ready to jump on a campaign like this without actually trying to find out what it's about. When I have daughters one day, I would much rather they receive positive messages about leadership and self-esteem than the trashy, objectifying images the media barrages us with now. This isn't about letting little girls be brats to each other. And it isn't about men not calling women bossy either. What it is really about is teaching kids the difference between reasonable and unreasonable leadership, so we don't see kids being cut down for simply trying to assert themselves. 

This is not about a word. It is about kindness. It is about a social attitude that needs changing. If we start by changing the way we think and they way we teach our children to think, we will see the effects in the not-so-distant future. If we reinforce female leadership skills from a young age, we will see greater female representation in government, corporate America, you name it. If we make girls feel like they are allowed to stand up for themselves, many of the issues women face today will become significantly less wide-spread in perpetuity. 

I'm still chuckling about this woman calling me bossy. But I'd much rather stand up for myself and catch flack for it than sit back and let foolish people run this world. If you don't like the Ban Bossy campaign, it's probably because you don't fully understand it, and that's OK. But please don't go around telling everyone how foolish it is. Because there are women out there who would love to have someone advocating for their voices and for the voices of their daughters. 

Just the Perfect Blendship

Over the past couple of days (and months, to be honest), I have really been thinking about friendship.
This whole year was a crazy adventure when it came to navigating my friendships. I saw the collapse of some of my dearest relationships, as well as the development of some of my favorite new ones. And I can't help but marvel at the whole phenomenon.

I've never had an easy time making friends. I attribute this to a number of things that don't need to be discussed in this particular piece, but, long story short, I just have a hard time connecting to people sometimes. But for a long time, it really didn't matter because from about the 6th grade on, my group of friends was pretty much established. I always thought that having a small, reliable circle of friends who identified as part of a "group" was the "right" way to do friendship. Now, I'm not so sure. It wasn't right. It was safe. And maybe it wasn't right because it was safe.

Something happens when the same 4 people spend all of their time together: You get really comfortable with each other. You don't filter your words and actions as closely because you assume a certain level of acceptance. You start talking about each other because you convince yourself gossip is OK as long as it's about someone you care about. They know you care about them, so it shouldn't be that big of a deal, right?

Wrong.

Comfort will kill your friendships. Assumptions will ruin your life.

Even though I knew my best friends really well, they never stopped being humans. Humans are fragile. Humans are easily hurt (and not-so-easily hurt sometimes). We want praise and hate criticism. We need affection and not insensitivity. And none of those necessities is unreasonable.

After lots of years of basically merging our souls, my friends and I forgot about one another's humanity. When you're friends with someone for 7-8 years, you start to identify with them. You start to see yourself as part of a duo. And you forget that your friend is actually an individual with feelings separate from your own. Shocking, I know.

You see it all the time. Best friends get into a feud over some seemingly stupid thing that was said or done. And you want to say, "They're such good friends; why are they letting this bother them so much?" but the fact is that there is no explanation needed. Friendship isn't a force-field. Words can still hurt. Actions can still destroy. People are funny because you might say the exact same thing to the same person every day for a week, and it may only bother them one out of 7 times.

This is because humans exist on a lot of different planes that we can't keep separate from one another. Your home life affects your school life affects your love life affects your friendships, etc. I believe this phenomenon coupled with the aforementioned deadly comfort level is the thing that single-handedly ruins the most relationships.

It's a very basic scenario. Friend A says something to Friend B that is not meant to be offensive, but Friend B is dealing with a lot of stuff at school/work/home and finds himself/herself really bothered by Friend A's comments. Suddenly, Friend B can accuse Friend A of being mean, rude, insensitive, oblivious, you name it, and, all of a sudden, Friend A has become a bad friend. Meanwhile, Friend A can turn around and accuse B of being immature, over-reactive, unfair, overly-sensitive, blah blah blah.

I lost a lot of really close friends this year. 'tis a fact. And in the aftermath, I dragged my heels out to college, absolutely dreading having to start completely from scratch and make new friends for the first time in YEARS. But it is really the best thing that could have happened to me because I've learned so much about dealing with people. I never assume a "comfort level" with anyone now. You might have a rapport with the human, but you have to understand that their humanity is not so easily domesticated.

I keep my friends really close, but I don't keep them so close that we become joined together as one. I don't sacrifice any of myself for my friends because I wouldn't want them to sacrifice any part of their soul for me. That's just dumb. Because I am Delaney, and they are not. College has been really fascinating because it is just this huge melting pot of humanity. There is so much wonder in being friends with so many different people with different stories and feelings and opinions. It's crazy really.

I think I'm learning that a friendship is never done developing. In order for it to work properly, we have to fight to maintain it. We have to take care of each other and build each other up and respect one another. I don't ever want to be so comfortable with a friendship that I feel safe hurting someone. I don't have it all figured out yet. Every once in a while, something happens with a friend (or friends) that makes me really cynical or mistrustful or just plain sad. But it doesn't mean that the whole idea of friendship is flawed. Friendship is actually really awesome when you do it right because you won't be jerks to each other. You'll reach out to care for one another because you'll never forget that your friend is a whole person. A whole, real person who deals with real stress and real pain and who might not always be easy to understand.

Friendship is about perception. It's about knowing someone really well without being absorbed into them. It's about being able to recognize when a friend is struggling and choosing to love them through it. It's about having the courage to say "no" sometimes because you don't have to agree all the time to stay friends. It's about respecting the reality that your friends are people, too and not just your friends. It's about choosing kindness over complacency and selflessness over selfishness. Friendships aren't always a walk in the park. But it's up to you to choose what is right over what is easy.

And, on that note, I would just like to say thank you to all of the wonderful people in this world who I would consider my friends because I know that I am not always the easiest friend to have. I so appreciate your willingness to respect me as a real person. And I'm so grateful to those of you who have stood by me in my less-lovely periods of time because not everyone has had the strength to do that. I am so committed to loving each and every one of you guys in whatever way you need to be loved. Because I think that's what friends are for.

*I will be filing this post under the category of "word-vomit musings about very broad topics that Delaney only feels comfortable writing at 3 o'clock in the morning."