Mrs. Hall:
I stumbled upon your blog post titled, "FYI (if you're a teenage girl)" today, and couldn't help but feel like you left a few things out. I, unlike so many of your readers, will try not to harp on the fact that you paired your thoughts on "modesty" with several pictures of your half-naked, swim-trunk-wearing teenage boys. That detail to me, while ironic and almost insulting, is really secondary.
I instead would like to point out the twisted nature of your message as a whole. I grew up in a conservative household which I imagine is not much different from yours. I was not allowed to wear spaghetti straps, bikinis, belly shirts, short shorts, or anything else deemed "immodest." Throughout my growing up, I found these rules to be annoying and inconvenient. However, now that I'm a college student who is living by my own rules, I have become aware of the fundamental problems in the psychology behind "modesty rules" like mine (and like those you expect everyone else's daughters to follow).
I get it, ok? Do I think women should be walking the streets half-naked? No. Probably not. But not because I pity the precious eyes of the innocent young boys who may encounter us. I mostly feel like women should dress "properly" as a way of respecting ourselves. Also, half-naked people make even the most progressive of us a little uncomfortable sometimes. But hey. I think women are free-thinking individuals who have every right to express themselves however they see fit. Some women happen to feel very empowered by dressing a certain way. Who are we to tell them that they shouldn't? If I'm in the mood to wear my thigh-high stockings, I'm gonna do it. I just am.
If you are concerned about the kinds of images your sons will encounter on social media, maybe they shouldn't be on social media. Your concern seems to be that some young temptress will post an "inappropriate" selfie, thus tempting your son to lust after her, in either thought or action. Your tone towards teenage girls is one of condescension and almost repulsion. How dare these
What you are doing right now is isolating your sons from some very real feelings. You can block the slutty girls from his Facebook page, but then what? What happens when he goes to college and is faced with real temptation for the first time? Temptation that he is unable to deal with because Mommy always made it go away. You are not giving your sons the tools to deal with these situations. You have fed into an extremely dangerous mentality that it is the burden of women to keep men from becoming impure. If girls behave a certain way, boys will never be tempted, and thus, never sin.
Unfortunately, you aren't raising everyone else's kids. You are raising yours. You are teaching your sons that girls are sexual objects first and thinking, feeling individuals second. You allow what you perceive to be a young girl "sexualizing" herself to completely overshadow her personality, intelligence, and beauty. So what if a girl wants to post an (arguably) salacious photo of herself online? Perhaps it's a manifestation of her confidence. In a society where so many girls are struggling from eating disorders and other self-image related illnesses, it is my belief that we should be encouraging our young women to claim their confidence however possible. Even if you don't like the possible implications of her selfie.
Instead of wasting your time calling out teenage girls for their actions, maybe you should sit down and tell your sons that it is THEIR responsibility to control themselves. When they see a girl and find themselves attracted to her, it is THEIR job to keep themselves in check. No matter what she is wearing. No matter how she is posing in her picture. If they are not able to control themselves, they can look away. Women are being sexually assaulted every single day. And it's because mothers like you have taught their sons that society EXPECTS them to take advantage of a woman if/when she does not conduct herself "in good taste." Look your sons in the eyes and tell them that their sexuality is their problem and no one else's. No matter how many selfies a girl posts on Facebook, she is still a human being. She does not see herself as a sexual object. The men around her do. And that is because mothers like you never took the time to tell them that that is a lie. Mothers like you blame the victims every single day. Mothers like you never taught your sons not to rape. Because you were too busy telling teenage girls to tone down the sexy.
FYI.
-Ms. Amatrudo
